And so, I took the leap and booked my first Cognitive Hypnotherapy appointment.
I was nervous at first. Afraid and ashamed to bear my soul to yet another professional. Afraid and ashamed that I was going to be the common denominator again. Afraid and ashamed that it wasn't going to work.
And the truth is, things didn't happen overnight. Cognitive Hypnotherapy was not the magic elixir I had been searching for. Nor did not cure me of my perceived flaws and insecurities and problems and fears.
In fact it did none of this.
But what it did do was something better.
It gave me back my agency.
Unlike therapists I had been to in the past who professed to 'fix me', my Cognitive Hypnotherapist held my hand and taught me how to help myself. She guided me back to the resources I already have inside, of resilience and strength and kindness, resources I thought I had lost.
What my Cognitive Hypnotherapist did for me was lead me back to me. A home that is uniquely mine and no-one else's. A home of my design.
And when I learnt how to let myself let go of what no longer served me, and transform what I thought was dirt to compost, I soon realised that I had choice to choose. To choose to use the learning from my experience and let it become something new. Something better than before.